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As I am getting older, I am learning the importance of being true to myself which has led me to write today’s blog post. A post that has not been easy to write. One that is much more personal than any other I have ever written. You can’t imagine the intense emotions, feelings of insecurity, I feel right now as I become vulnerable to you and your response to what I am about to share…
Over the years of working one-on-one with women who desire to create a more beautiful exterior, my eyes have been opened to the void that we all have inside. The desire for unconditional love and acceptance that makes us feel confident and successful in life.
Will the real Kelly Walker please stand up?
For most of my life I have struggled with feelings of inadequacy. Constantly comparing myself to others who were prettier, richer, more popular, everything “er”. This comparison trap led me to a life of constant striving. Always working harder than my colleagues so I could outperform and be the best at something in life. My professional life was the one area of my world that few could be better than me. As a result, I adopted a performance based mentality that led me to putting work before everything else in my life. Oh how I wish my older, wiser self could go back in time and have a chat with my younger self. Open my eyes to what I would sacrifice as a result of this choice and the regrets it would leave behind.
Ten years ago my life starting falling apart. I didn’t notice it at the time but living an unauthentic life led to making wrong choices that not only impacted me but also my beautiful children. Not until tragedy struck followed by divorce and loss of everything that gave me my identity did I recognize I needed help. Out of desperation and nowhere else to turn I decided to stop looking around me and look up for the guidance I so desperately needed in my life. And that my friend, is when my life finally began to change…
Due to a desire for a better life, more specifically a more peaceful life where I didn’t struggle with the anxiety that comes with not being true to yourself I began to read motivational material from Joel Osteen. Much like a baby moves from crawling to taking their first steps, I began to graduate to reading spiritual material with more depth. In early 2013 I made the life-changing decision to begin watching Sunday sermons from North Point Community Church online. In June of that year, my heart was captivated by truth. It finally clicked for me when Andy Stanley used the analogy of parental love. The same deep, unconditional love that we have for our beautiful children is the same love BUT greater that God has for us, his children. This new knowledge, this truth lit a spark in my heart. Finally, there was a glimmer of hope for true happiness in the void I had tried to fill with all the wrong things for so many years. For the first time in my life, I began to understand that there was someone who loved me more than I could imagine. Someone who would never leave my side, never abandon me, loved and cherished me just the way I am.
Since that day my life has changed in more ways that I could have ever imagined. Most importantly, I have learned to see myself as the person I was created to be. Accepting this truth has opened the door to living a life where every day is filled with peace and contentment unlike anything I have ever known. That doesn’t mean that I don’t experience struggles, or hardships. In fact, in recent weeks life has been filled with more hurts and disappointments than I care to share. Thankfully the golden nugget of truth is carrying me through my recent hardships. The knowledge that someone else is looking out for me, the truth that He will fight for me if I will just get out of the way so He can step in and see me through.
Career and passion collide
My passion for the beauty industry is strong. In fact, a previous boss who has become both a spiritual and professional mentor said that my passion for my job is “magnetic.” He said that it “captures my audience and draws them in.” As a professionally driven and performance loving career woman, I loved hearing those affirming words. Very few things bring the level of joy to my heart that I experience when I get the opportunity to work one-on-one with a woman. It is an unbelievable gift to be able to share in the moment when a woman’s eyes are opened and she begins to see beauty in herself.
Be true to who you are
As much as I love being a makeup artist, the growth in my personal life has created a major challenge. A crossroad of sorts. I understand from personal experience that beauty on the outside will never reach its true potential until the inside is renewed. My new found passion for living a Godly life is as great if not greater than my love for my career. Unfortunately, in today’s society it is considered “politically incorrect” to discuss religion in the workplace. This has created an internal struggle in my life and led to a growing dissatisfaction with my professional life. In constantly trying to “get more followers” and live up to the expectations of others I have once again sacrificed being true to myself by tempering my desire to be a light for others spiritually. Discontentment in my work has led to dissatisfaction in my relationships and caused me to once again question my purpose and my identity. After much consideration, prayer and seeking wise counsel from those that I love and trust, I have decided to step out and take a stand for what I believe in.
Going forward, I am going to be honest with myself and honest with you by writing from the heart. No more striving to become successful as a blogger by comparing myself to others that have already achieved success. Their chosen path and formula to become a successful blogger may have worked for them however, if I am going to be true to you and become someone you trust, I have to follow the formula that is right for me. The one that allows me to be myself and express what is important to me, what makes me love life so that you can see me as the person I truly am. A woman that wants more than anything in life to lift others up, help them see the beautiful life that is available to all of us when we realize our true purpose in life.
Thank you for giving me a place to say what has been weighing heavily on my heart<3
Sending, love, peace and happiness to all!